- Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends” – Smashmouth
How do we define friendship? Do we believe the ones we consider our friends will always retain the traits we find admirable like loyalty, respect, reliability, empathy, resolve, resilience, etc… I could make a long-ass list but I’ll stick with these ones I’ve mentioned. I pose those questions because I want to bring up this topic and include a quick story on how I had someone who I considered a friend and former collaborator shun me and the homies in my group though on my end I did a lot for this person on a professional level as we collaborated a lot on poetry and story ideas. I want to keep this persons real name and personal business private. I’ll try my best to keep this brief. After finishing my Bachelor’s degree in Marketing this past August I was in a celebratory mood because I had times in college where I was extremely motivated and sometimes I thought I would be stuck there forever due to having some failures in a dumb ass course like Calculus, but with hard work I finally passed. I digress so I’m hanging with my homies at a local pizzeria I live near and this mentioned friend let’s call him Joe entered and I was glad to see him. For one thing, I haven’t seen him in over a week and wanted to know if had any writings he wanted me to edit or add too. As I approached him I gave him a friendly but light pat on the shoulder and we caught on things, and he even sat with the rest of my homies. The night went well and we eventually went our separate ways. Fast forward to the next morning and I get a text from one of the friends I was with at the pizzeria, and he says Joe felt uncomfortable with you being awkward and touchy blah blah blah. Touchy? I didn’t know what the hell him meant by “touchy” because if getting a friendly pat on the shoulder constitutes as “touchy” then sue me because I’ve done it more than once. I digress, next thing I know I get a message from Joe as he goes on a tirade claiming how he felt uncomfortable with the vibes that night and has a series of dilemmas he’s going through. He apologizes for seeming like an asshole towards me through text but says he needs time to himself so he can get things situated for himself. I took it as whatever and kept my distance so he could decompress, and I believed we would meet again whenever he feels ready.
Now let’s fast forward to October when I spot him and try to reconcile any issues we may have had. He acknowledges me and I do him, but he continues going his way because I know he doesn’t like confrontations. Even though he’s a social person he isn’t assertive enough to speak with someone he has a problem with unless he’s gaining something out of it such as talking/flirting with an attractive woman or being friendly towards people he sees around the neighborhood. To conclude this story I came across Joe again two days ago as I saw him going down a train station escalator and I was going up one and I had to chuckle once I got outside. Reason being, at that moment I thought of him as a Judas going down while I was on my way up and I took it symbolically. Being fake and creating dramatic stories about a friend who had your back and would aid you with things you had difficulties finishing with I believe was disrespectful and I feel this will only cause downfalls to this person creating future relationships. Furthermore, Joe felt that I and my other friends were excluding him from group discussions and activities which is furthest from the truth. In addition, I live down the street from this person so he could have easily reached out to me. There was no excuse not to reach out, but no he had to be resort to being a keyboard warrior instead of saying what Kevin Hart once in a stand up special which was “say it with your chest lil niggah” so I know you mean it. I didn’t respect his convert ways of communication in any way. If you feel tough behind a keyboard and not in person, you don’t deserve any respect from me because this issue which isn’t one could have been resolved quickly. However, on his end I feel he still has an issue with me, but hey I don’t care for drama nor seek it. I’m not losing anything as I move forward with my future even if this person was my friend in the first place or not. I want to end this post here, but I have two follow up questions to you as a reader. How do you confront a friend you had an issue with? And if there is any drama that can be detrimental to your friendship how should you respond without having that person dismiss you or find offense to what you had to say to them even if considered if you had good intentions? Leave any comments if you feel you’d like to chime in and follow my page so you can stay up to date with my future posts. As always peace and keep it real.