Empty the envy : Everyone is having fun but you.

Envy leaps in, a vengeful pest 

Its cruel quest can’t be denied

But when we look at what it brings 

We know that resentment never wins

Homie where’s the growth?

Ripe dreams expire

But you stay stubborn and hardwired

Finding it too comfortable to let go

Time for a new course of action

Let your heart be enveloped in grace 

And find a better place 

Where envy never finds its mark 

And emotions never darken

In a frenzy, it’s time to cleanse thee 

Wake up and empty out the envy 

It is understandable for one to feel envious when seeing someone’s life as “perfect” compared to theirs, and this feeling when left unchecked can become destructive. With that said, envy can often lead to damaged self-esteem and create resentment towards the person whose life we perceive as perfect. As a result, this gives way for an individual to constantly compare themselves to someone who has something that is bereft in their life, and in extreme cases want to sabotage it so satisfaction can be achieved, and with that, they create their intended level playing field. Moreover, once envy becomes destructive it prevents us from looking at our own lives in a positive light and instead allows the proverbial devil on the shoulder to take over our thoughts. 

Artwork credit – Rafi Perez

Social media has become a sort of vacuum and echo chamber for people to post, project, and propagate what they consider to be trendy or the ideal image of success. Therefore, these platforms facilitate data that is accessible for comparisons to be made by all users. It went from being a microcosm (pre-social media comparisons of those close to you) to a global assessment contest (strangers evaluating each other). In addition, if one doesn’t fit that criterion then they’re seen as doing something wrong and it gets exacerbated with a bombardment of imagery that erodes self-esteem. Furthermore, envy manifests itself as dissociation from the self. Not to mention, an individual will get frustrated after pondering on why they’re not involved in situations they’re missing out on (FoMO, Fear of missing out. Once this feeling of FoMO compounds one might begin vicariously living through the ones they envy and envisioning satisfaction. However, once reality sets in, a feeling of inauthenticity takes over.

  We carry around envy amplification devices and push buttons on fabricated images and stories. We internalize and rationalize them to the point where it becomes masochistic. In other words, when one voyeuristically scrolls (passive) they are shown stimuli that they lack in their lives. This in turn will elicit “comparisonitis”. In regards to that, this fixation becomes ingrained into the psyche to the point where it could lead to imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome, resentment, and comparisonitis are symptoms of envy but resentment comes last. The reason is, a person has to process what they have to do, and understand they’re as capable as the person experiencing what they desire, but they’re filled with doubt and fail to make a move. Moreover, if the feeling of envy isn’t confronted and rectified it can lead to depression and a sense of incompetence. An article that is the inspiration for this post (link included at the top of post) stated that envy is innate and I agree for the most part but I also think it can also be a learned behavior. For example, we have two brothers, and their parents get the younger brother better toys than his older brother. Not only that, the younger brother has to share them with him. From there the older brother gets frustrated that not only does he get subpar toys compared to his younger brother but has to share the better toys, which is something he wants (older brother) for himself. Hopefully, this example makes sense, because the point being made here is that even if you have something that will keep you satisfied, it’s never enough, and when you see someone you admire or is close to you receiving something that you’re deprived of, you can get consumed with resentment.

In summary, envy can be a destructive emotion that harms both the individual feeling it as well as those around them. It is important to understand why one feels envious and learn how to address those emotions without succumbing to the negativity of envy. If not, one will continue to meander through life as a malcontent individual who is not driven to find solutions. Once this point is reached it becomes insidious and habitual. Lastly, no matter how basic or lavish, everyone has something to be grateful for and strives to find the best for a positive life, and focusing on those reasons for living a life of gratitude and contentment will help to avoid the enviable trap.

Works Cited

Sarner, Moya. “The Age of Envy: How to Be Happy When Everyone Else’s Life Looks Perfect.” Pocket, 18 Oct. 2018, https://getpocket.com/explore/item/the-age-of-envy-how-to-be-happy-when-everyone-else-s-life-looks-perfect?utm_source=pocket_collection_story&fbclid=IwAR2HgqMVgc0lG1qXzJH-eW8ChiXt3p6pGoHSnH4atJeHR6twpulvfORr7sg.

Make Ubuntu Ubiquitous

“A traveler through a country would stop at a village and he didn’t have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food and entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu, but it will have various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not enrich themselves. The question, therefore, is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you to be able to improve?” – Nelson Mandela

Face the Feedback

Welcome readers,

When one gets vague feedback on how they should conduct themself in their personal and professional life, their ego takes over and they become defensive. It’s understandable and totally normal, but it’s not their fault they would react that way. In fact, this type of feedback even if it might not be constructive can give way for a person to be inquisitive. For example, an employee is going in for a performance review and their boss needs them to be more of a team player or needs them to work harder. This nebulous statement is not innocuous in the employee’s mind because they take it as an affront to their character and need to prove the boss wrong, which can end badly if they’re not composed. Furthermore, if composed the employee should ask their boss to expound on how they can improve their personal and collaborative performance. If questions aren’t asked, that ego is going to internalize that vague “negative” feedback and it can become debilitating once it becomes a part of your mindset moving forward. Moreover, make sure to thank the person providing you with the feedback, as it is likely they have invested time and energy into helping you. Lastly, take constructive criticism in stride and use it as an opportunity to grow and learn.

Leave a like if you’ve enjoyed what you read, and hit that follow button so you can stay up to date with my future posts. As always peace and keep it real.

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