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When asked “How are you doing?” or “How’s it going?” Do you answer honestly and elaborate on how well you’re doing physically and mentally? Or do you answer with a typical response like “I’m well”, “I can’t complain” or any other vapid response in hopes of ending the interaction and making the other person feel comfortable? Normally, this benign question can either be short-ended with a quick response that doesn’t have enough details to initiate a conversation or an open-ended one that becomes an enlightening conversation. So, the next time someone asks you this question, understand that you’ll need to have situational awareness to determine if you’re comfortable sharing how you truly feel at that moment. As with everything, there are risks involved, especially oversharing and that’s why I believe that after being asked that question, you should reciprocate carefully and understand the circumstances so you can refrain from making extraneous remarks that you may regret. Believe me when I tell you that I’ve berated myself a few times for saying more than I should have during brief interactions.
Lately, I have made it a priority to answer a question like “How are you doing?” with honesty and clarity. That said, if the situation allows me to express myself freely without being verbose, then I will seize it. Case in point, I had a client a while back who was taking an exam to become a certified psychiatrist and during her lunch break she greeted me, explained the exam she was taking, and her plans in the field. After exchanging pleasantries, I became intrigued and felt comfortable sharing my difficulties with maintaining a proper sleep schedule and the constant exhaustion I’ve been experiencing since the summer began. I must mention that upon meeting this client, I had an inclination that she probably sensed my fatigue and jaded energy and I believe she truly wanted to know how I felt. Fortunately, she wasn’t inconsiderate and her curiosity resulted in an insightful conversation where she explained how I could improve my sleep schedule by making minor changes that would gradually build into a routine. Specifically, things such as, not using my phone before sleeping because blue light suppresses melatonin secretion, keeping my mind active with activities like reading, moving around before bed but not doing anything strenuous for my body. As of today, I’ve made those recommended improvements and I’m slightly more energized but there’s still more I need to learn and execute so I can consistently maintain my energy levels and not feel depleted.
In conclusion, there’s a delicate balance between authenticity and social niceties and we must embrace honesty even when responding to the most innocuous questions such as “How are you”. We should also be mindful to avoid overwhelming others with our dilemmas if they are not prepared or receptive to give adequate feedback. For example, I’m asked “How are you doing” almost every day and yesterday was the first time that I could remember where I paused for about ten seconds before answering. I had to gather my thoughts so I could honestly express my feelings. With this in mind, it’s perfectly fine to pause, assess your feelings, and answer with sincerity.
Furthermore, having a rapport with someone that developed into a relationship (of any kind) will make it easier for you to confide in without feeling burdened. Full disclosure requires trust because you can feel worse than before if you’re not careful with your words. So, the most vital thing for you to remember from this topic is, if you’re not doing well, say it! Don’t lie to yourself and suppress your thoughts and emotions. And yes I know that everyone you encounter isn’t supposed to be your therapist nor are they obligated to listen and give advice if you go on a rant, but if you can’t start being honest with yourself today, then when and what will it take for you to begin being honest with others?
Real Free - Flowing Words 